Memorial Day: The Case for Mourning

There are those who say that a good Christian should always rejoice because of anything that happens, and must never grieve. These people are wrong. Our instructions are to grieve physical death, and to grieve the sinful condition of our world that leads to it, as God himself does, but to do so in a way that expresses our hope in the resurrection. Do not deny grief, but show hope in grief. Groaning is not a sin.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Matthew 5:4

Christians, even Christian leaders, sometimes say that Christian remembrance should be happy–that Christians should not mourn, because mourning is untrue to the hope of the resurrection and not always having a smile glued to our faces hurts our “witness.” But I believe this position is rooted in a false concept of Christian joy that is taken from modern marketing theory, that this view injures us by forcing us to hide and to feel guilty if we can’t be permanently and totally “cured” of our mourning in an unrealistically short time a and get back to “Business as usual.” I also believe that, instead of making our witness “look” better it makes us look phony. And I note that Jesus suffered grief, and told his followers we would also, as I discuss below. It is an aspect of humanity he shares with us.

In this post, I will briefly quote, then discuss, a few sets of scripture passages that appear not only to approve but also to recommend Christian mourning. Here is the first group, dealing with our response to decay and death:

The last enemy that will be abolished is death.

I Corinthians 15:26

Stated very simply, death is not a friend. Though death is a defeated enemy–defeated by the resurrection of Jesus–it remains an enemy. And, at least as I now experience time, I have not seen the full effect of Jesus’ victory yet. My body is very obviously deteriorating, and I have had loved ones die recently, causing real and lasting pain. I am not in their eternal time zone yet. Death remains an enemy–the last enemy to be defeated.

For we know that if the earthly tent which is our house is torn down, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For indeed in this house we groan, longing to be clothed with our dwelling from heaven, inasmuch as we, having put it on, will not be found naked. For indeed while we are in this tent, we groan, being burdened, because we do not want to be unclothed but to be clothed, so that what is mortal will be swallowed up by life.

2 Corinthians 5:1-4

In this house we groan. That certainly sounds pretty direct!

I am longing to enter into what God has prepared. For now, groaning is to be expected. While the joy and peace of the Holy Spirit should also show in my life, Galatians 5:22, that doesn’t translate into a permanent, plastered-on, phony smile. My situation in this world will make me groan sometimes, if I’m honest–and I should be honest, the required salesman’s smile not withstanding. I’m not here to “sell” Jesus.

It is better to go to a house of mourning
Than to go to a house of feasting,
Because that is the end of every man,
And the living takes it to heart.
Sorrow is better than laughter,
For when a face is sad a heart may be happy.
 The mind of the wise is in the house of mourning,
While the mind of fools is in the house of pleasure.

Ecclesiastes 7:2-4.

This is, again, quite direct–although the interpretation of Ecclesiastes in general is not simple. Yes, I realize the Preacher of Ecclesiastes takes the position of a person who sees things only as they happen “under the sun,” thus not taking eternity into account (because he believes it is impossible for humans to do so). See, Ecclesiastes 1:3-14; 3:11; 6:10-12; 8:16-18. From this limited perspective, the Preacher believes that the house of mourning is better than the house of feasting and pleasure, because wisdom is found there. But the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.

It appears to me that the limitation of the Preacher’s perspective to just this world actually strengthens the argument that, for us, who have eternity living within us through the Holy Spirit, mourning has advantages over feasting. We know where we are going–and that we are not there yet–so we groan, as the previous passage said. We also still all too often suffer pain from the attacks of the “last enemy,” death.

For we have been consumed by Your anger
And by Your wrath we have been dismayed.
You have placed our iniquities before You,
Our secret sins in the light of Your presence.
For all our days have declined in Your fury;
We have finished our years like a sigh.
As for the days of our life, they contain seventy years,
Or if due to strength, eighty years,
Yet their pride is but labor and sorrow;
For soon it is gone and we fly away.
Who understands the power of Your anger
And Your fury, according to the fear that is due You?
So teach us to number our days,
That we may present to You a heart of wisdom.

Psalm 90:7-12.

This comes from a psalm written by Moses, the giver of the Law. Some may object that it has nothing to do with us, living under grace in the New Testament, because Moses, living in Old Testament times, had no knowledge of salvation in Jesus and no concept that humans could have have any life beyond this mortal human life. But neither of these objections is entirely accurate.

Regarding Jesus’ sacrifice, Moses was shown the heavenly Tabernacle, and told to copy it exactly, and was also given instructions for ritual offerings for sin and guilt with the knowledge that they were pictures of something better. Exodus 25:9; 40:32-35; Leviticus 4:20, 5:6; Hebrews 8:4-6. Moses also knew that the Lord forgave the sins of his people, even though the ritual sacrifices of the Law were insufficient to accomplish this, since they had to be continually repeated. Exodus 34:5-10; Hebrews 10:1-14. He was also shown that another Prophet like him would come later to speak for God to the people. Deuteronomy 18:15-19; Acts 3:19-22. Peter later wrote that all of the prophets of the Old Testament–Moses included–had the “Spirit of Christ” within them who through them “predicted the sufferings of Christ and the glories to follow.” Peter further wrote “it was revealed to them that they were not serving themselves, but you, in these things.” 1 Peter 2:10-12. So Moses knew what the sufferings of Christ would accomplish, though he did not have many of the details.

As for the resurrection, Jesus quoted Moses to the Sadducees to prove that the dead are raised: “But regarding the resurrection of the dead, have you not read what was spoken to you by God: ‘I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’? He is not the God of the dead but of the living.” Matthew 22:31-32, quoting Exodus 3:6. So Moses also knew about the resurrection of the dead, though, again, he did not have all of the details.

It was this Moses who sang about the fury of God against the sin of the world and the brevity of our lives. It was this Moses who sang that, even if we are given a long life, yet the “pride” of our years is “but labor and sorrow” because “soon it is gone and we fly away.” This is not the kind of upbeat worship song we modern people like to sing in our churches! But a few centuries ago, when these things were taken more seriously, Isaac Watts wrote one of his greatest hymns, “O God Our Help in Ages Past,” based on this Psalm–and included some verses (see verses 4, 6 and 8 in the linked copy) that are far too somber to be repeated in any modern hymnal.

Still, though we resist any reminder of this, the way to wisdom is to remember how short our lives are and to number our days before God, not waste them on meaningless things.

For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words…

Romans 8: 20-26

I don’t have to say much about this passage, which groans for itself. It is not just we humans who groan. All creation groans waiting for us to be brought into our full glory, at which time the creation will also be set free from corruption. We are waiting to see our full adoption as God’s children, which is real but invisible while we are in these decaying bodies. We hope for it–for, as it says, who hopes for what they already see. And, if that isn’t enough groaning to make the point, the Holy Spirit, knowing our groanings, intercedes for us with groans of his own “too deep for words.” So, while we have joy in the Holy Spirit, even the Spirit doesn’t wear a permanent smile in dealing with us in our limited, passing time. Not all is happiness in the Godhead yet, as we see time.

I keep referring to the the way we experience time because the difference between our experience of time and God’s experience of time is important. Recall that God is eternal and we are not. God spans time, and is literally at every time he has created simultaneously in the same way he is in every place he has created simultaneously. He came into our experience of time through his son Jesus, who experienced and still experiences it with us. And, as the Romans 8 passage, above, shows, in interceding for us with the Father, the Holy Spirit also shares our experience of time, groaning with us. But God is inherently eternal–he has only put himself into our time for our sakes–and he still has the full perspective of eternity. He is presently at the beginning, living with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, at the Cross, at the Resurrection of Christ, living every moment of our lives with us, and at the end of time looking back at us. He not only sees, but is present for, the whole finished work of time.

This is important to the topic of mourning in this life for two reasons. The first is that, though we will mourn now–and God expects us to–we can be sure that God has everything under control. He is already where we are going. The pain is part of our growth, learning his wisdom.

The second reason it is important to recognize God’s very different perspective on time is that the scriptures dealing with the resurrection of the dead (other than Jesus himself) place those who have left this existence “with the Lord,” now enjoying his view of time. This is the clear implication of Jesus’ quotation of Exodus 6:3 in answering the Sadducees’ question about the Resurrection, discussed above. Matthew 22:32; Mark 12:26-27; Luke 20:36-38. When God spoke to Moses, he could say “I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob,” and simultaneously Moses’ God, because of the resurrection. When Jesus repeated Moses’ words at least 1300 years later, he could tell the Sadducees that God is presently the God of the dead (as we see time) Patriarchs, because of the resurrection. Jesus presented this as proof that God had promised the resurrection to Moses. For, as Jesus said, “God is not the God of the dead, but of the living.” In Luke’s account, Jesus then adds these important words: “for all live to him.”

So the implication is that, although the resurrection (except for that of Jesus) is still future to us who remain bound to this fading creation, it has already occurred in the experience of those who have passed from this life into God’s eternal time zone. They are no longer waiting and hoping. They see things like he does now.

This is also the clear implication of 2 Corinthians 5:6-8, the passage which immediately follows the passage about our groaning while waiting to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, quoted above:

Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord—  for we walk by faith, not by sight— we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord.

2 Corinthians 5:6-8.

To be present in the body is to be absent from the Lord, in the sense in which we are speaking, but to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.

To similar effect is this passage from Hebrews:

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2.

After spending all of the previous chapter discussing the great Old Testament heroes who lived by faith, the writer to the Hebrews says that they did not receive what was promised them “without us,” because “he had provided something better for us,” in Jesus, something which they share with us. Hebrews 11:39-40. The writer then encourages us by saying that these Old Testament saints now “surround” us as a “great cloud of witnesses.” Commentators ever since have strained to find non-literal interpretations for this language that will leave those who have gone before us in faith confined to some intermediate state separated from us, not literally all around us. This corresponds exactly to the same commentators’ efforts to limit Jesus himself to “Heaven,” that place “way up there, out of sight, out of mind, out of touch,” not literally here with us (as he promised!). But this straining of the language is unnecessary if, in fact, the faithful who have gone before are with Jesus–who is, in fact, all around us. Recall the point made in an earlier post that the kingdom of the heavens, from which God acts, is all around us.

So, returning to mourning: how does it remain in this picture?

To start with, during his life limited to the Earth, Jesus suffered grief. According to one of the best-known prophecies of Jesus life, Jesus both suffered grief of his own and bore our griefs:

He was despised and forsaken of men,
A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief;
And like one from whom men hide their face
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

Surely our griefs He Himself bore,
And our sorrows He carried;
Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten of God, and afflicted.
But He was pierced through for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our iniquities;
The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him,
And by His scourging we are healed.
All of us like sheep have gone astray,
Each of us has turned to his own way;
But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all
To fall on Him.

Isaiah 53:3-6

Recall that the shortest verse in the bible is “Jesus wept.” John 11:35. When this verse is read in its context, it is clear that Jesus knew that, in just a few moments, he would raise his friend Lazarus from the dead and give him back to his grieving sisters. In speaking to Martha on his arrival at Bethany, Jesus was kind, reminding her first “Your brother will rise again,” then telling her that Lazarus was still alive:

I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die.

John 11:25-26.

Still, the passage twice says that, when he saw the grief of Mary and Martha, he was “deeply moved.” And, when he arrived at Lazarus’ tomb, he did not rebuke his friends’ grief, he joined in it. He wept. Then he raised Lazarus from the dead.

On another occasion, we are told that Jesus’ was both angered and “grieved” by the “hardness of heart” of religious people, who would not condone healing a man on the Sabbath. Mark 3:5. So Jesus could be grieved by other people’s attitudes, which resisted overcoming an evil.

In his prayer in Gethsemane, just prior to his trial and execution, Matthew reports Jesus told his disciples “My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death.” Matthew 22:38. Luke records that Jesus was “in agony.” Luke 22:44. And, contrary to the words of a once-popular hymn that insisted Jesus shed no tears for his own grief, Jesus was praying, weeping, and sweating drops of blood, precisely for his own grief: “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.” Matthew 26:39; Luke 22:42. Jesus was grieved at the prospect of dying by crucifixion, and also grieved that drinking in such a “cup” was necessary to deal with the sin of a world in which nothing is as it should be. All this was Jesus’ own grief, as a man and as the Creator.

Finally, having shown that grief is a part of Jesus’ own example to us, I will approach what seems usually to be considered the “proof text” for the “Christians should always look happy” position:

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another with these words.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18.

This passage does not say that we should never, ever grieve at all. It says that we should not grieve in the same way as people of the world, who “have no hope.” It then explains our hope. As things now appear, within our experience of time, those who have died have “fallen asleep.” Their physical bodies are, as we see them, inactive and decaying. But the truth remains that those who are in Jesus, whether presently alive or dead as to this world, have been made one with him in his resurrection. See also Romans 6:4-5, 8-9. Therefore, those who have “fallen asleep” are with the resurrected Jesus, who is temporarily invisible to us. But, as we see time, a future time is coming when Jesus, now working invisibly around us, will dramatically descend from heaven and become visible again in our sensory reality, and, at that time, we will see graves opened and bodies visibly resurrected (a reality which has been with us invisibly all along).

So, our instructions are to grieve physical death, and to grieve the sinful condition of our world that leads to it, as God himself does, but to do so in a way that expresses our hope in the resurrection. Do not deny grief, but show hope in grief.

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